Decisions To Make
by cbssoapsgirl
Summary: Olivia has made a decision about her life, her future. What will Fitz do?
1. Goodbye Jake

Olivia Pope had a thousand thoughts running through her mind as she sat at her desk thinking about the life she had. She'd given up the life that she wanted with the President and was now forced to pay the consequences. For now, she watched Fitz show his fake happiness with his wife as he landed on the South Lawn in front of the White House on the television. She was upset in a way with him. How could he fake his happy life with Mellie so well when he truly wanted to be with her?

"Liv?" Abby pulled her from the darkness of her mind, "the Senator is here when you're ready. Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine. Set up the conference room and we'll talk to them," she instructed before her phone went off. As Abby left, Olivia answered. "What?"

"Let's have dinner tonight," the man told her. "We can go out to the Greek restaurant you like and go from there; what do you say?"

Olivia thought for a moment; she didn't have plans tonight but she didn't want to go out. "Not tonight. I just want to stay home and watch the news."

"If I promise to have you home before ten, will you go?"

"Fine, but not a second past ten."

"Deal, I'll pick you up at seven."

Olivia hung up and continued her day of crisis management. After work she went home and changed into more appropriate clothes for her dinner.

At seven sharp the doorbell rang. "You look good," he said when she answered.

"Thanks, let's go."

The ride over was silent between the two, even as the waiter took their order no words were said to the other.

"I'm kind of surprised you came out with me tonight, Liv."

"I know. I think this is going to be easier in person though. Jake…"

"Don't do that now, Olivia. I know what you're trying to do and I won't let you ruin the dinner. I know things are not great and that you're interested more in him than me but you can't have him. We both know that you will never be with him for real. Fitzgerald Thomas Grant the Third loves being President more than he loves you. He's been proving it for a long time. Even after Mellie told the world he was having an affair, he still went back to her. Don't you see that? He's never going to quit being President. You are always just going to be a side piece of ass to him. Fitz is never going to leave Mellie for you," Jake told her straight.

Olivia sat back in her chair with her arms crossed sending death glares at Jake while he spoke. "I knew this was a bad idea. You don't know the relationship that I have with him. So why don't you…"

"I am just trying to tell you the facts, Liv. Fitz is not…"

"You don't know any facts. You need to just shut up. Quit talking about something you know absolutely nothing about." Olivia stood up putting her coat on. "Do not contact me again."


	2. Stop Thinking

"How'd your day go?" Fitz asked her when she answered the phone that night after dinner with Jake.

"It was fine. You made it back safe, that's good. Anything major I should know about?" Liv answered.

"If there was something for you to know, I'd tell you. Everything is fine."

Olivia could tell by his abruptness that he was either tired or pissed. "What's wrong? I haven't talked to you in two weeks and you sound upset. Did Mellie do something?"

"Olivia, not everything is about my wife!"

"You're right; I'm going to hang up now. Goodnight Mr. President."

She hung up the phone, slamming it in the cradle. If Fitz was pissed, he could at least tell her about what was making him that way. Or just say he didn't want to talk about it. Just before she rolled over on her side after turning the light off the phone rang again.

"What?"

"First, don't ever slam a phone on me again. Second, goodnight."

Fitz hung up gently so he wasn't to piss her off. He'd had enough dealing with Cyrus's drama when he returned, then adding Mellie to the mix was punishment enough. He didn't feel like dealing with Olivia's attitude as well. Fitz got up and poured himself a glass of Scotch before making a bed on the couch in the Oval for the night. This way he'd have some quiet from his wife.

Olivia hit her alarm to quiet it as she sat up in bed the next morning. Once she stepped out of the shower back into her bedroom she saw her phone light up signaling a call.

"Did you wake up in a better mood?" she asked Fitz.

"And if I didn't?"

"Then I pity everyone at 1600 today. Especially Lauren since she has to deal with your cranky ass all day. I'm assuming since it's only six in the morning, you spent the night in your office and are still wearing the clothes you came off the plane with from yesterday. Also, there's been no coffee delivered because you're still a grouch and I can practically smell the Scotch through the phone."

"Such a smart ass."

"What is so wrong that you're being a prick to ME? Of all people?"

Fitz laughed at her question before he answered. "What makes you think that you are immune to me being an ass? You honestly think that you're better than all of us and are to be treated like a princess? I have a damn country to run, thanks to you, your highness. So I better get off the phone and make shit happen. Have a nice day."

Olivia stared at the phone for several minutes working through what she had done to him recently that would have him angry at her. After looking at the clock she realized she needed to get going.

When she got to work there were a dozen red roses left on her desk for her. She picked up the note attached and read it. _I'm sorry for being an ass. FTG3. _Of course he was sorry, he's always sorry, she thought.

"He won't do it," Huck stated from her doorway. "He'll tell you he will all year but you know he won't."

"Huck, how do you know?"

"Thomas didn't leave for Sally. They never leave their wives. You've done a hundred cases in the same situation. Remember they stay with their wives. I want you to be happy, Liv. Cut the string before it gets any uglier."

"I can't Huck. I can't leave him. He's got…"

"He's having you followed. His agent came in to deliver those personally and spilled when I pulled a gun. That's why he's pissed. You had dinner with Jake last night and he's angry about it."

Olivia closed her eyes realizing how stupid it was that she didn't notice surveillance on her. With Fitz out of the country for two weeks, of course she would have an agent following her.

"Thanks, I'll handle it."

After a few hours alone in her office, Abby came in with the paperwork for their latest case.

"Huck told us about… him. What are you going to do?" Abby asked her.

"I'm not going to do anything. I can't change anything about the situation. So I am going to sit here and wait patiently. He calls every night and every morning. When he wants to talk about what's bothering him, he'll tell me. I'm not his wife; I'm not going to push."

"That's exactly it, Liv," Abby said taking a seat. "You aren't his wife. You have no claim to him. He's not going to leave Mellie for you. There's not going to be a happily ever after here for the two of you. There won't be kids, a house, and a dog, with a white picket fence. Or whatever it is he tells you he wants with you. None of that is real, it's all made up. You just handled a crisis exactly this way. He paid that woman millions of dollars. Is that what you're after? Are you after his money?"

"That is ridiculous and you know it. I love Fitz and I want to be with him. Even if he didn't have any money and wasn't the President, I'd still want to be with him. He loves me and we are going to have Vermont, and our kids, and make jam. That's the plan, I just have to wait."

"Is that fair to you? Olivia, is that really what you want? To wait for him? You have phone calls and flowers and notes, but that's it. You don't get the pictures with him or the bed with him. You get those spare moments he has and is willing to give you when he isn't spending them with his kids. The only thing you're going to get when this is over is hush money. There's nothing else you get out of this. Realize that soon, Liv. He's the President, it's going to end badly. You work for the White House a lot, so what are you going to do when the shit hits the fan and the two of you are over?"

"Abby, he's not going to break up with me. We're just having a little fight. And I'm not even fighting."

"No, you aren't using your head. Fitz needs to figure out where he stands with you. And you need to either let him go or make him decide between you and her. You are worth so much more than standing on the sideline for the next four years."

Abby stood from the chair heading to the door as Olivia thanked her.

Liv went through her situation in her mind for hours that afternoon. Before she knew it, 8:00 came around and she hadn't done a thing all day. She said goodnight to Quinn and Huck who were the only ones there before she left. Still thinking, Liv went home and got ready for bed. Within minutes of her head hitting the pillow, Fitz called.

"Hi," he greeted their normal way when she answered.

"Hi."

"Did you get the roses?"

"I did. Thank you but you didn't have to do that."

"I was a jerk, Livie. I wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Okay," she whispered. For a second, Fitz thought she hung up it was so quiet.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just tired, so I'm going to bed."

Fitz looked at the clock on his desk. 9:05. "You aren't watching the news. Are you sick?" he asked half joking but more serious.

"I'm not sick, Fitz. I'm just tired. I had a long day, I guess."

"Olivia, if you're sick I'll come over and take care of you. What's the matter?"

"Nothing, I promise, I've just been thinking," she said using her tone.

With the tone and the way she said the words, Fitz knew it was bad and was about them. "Don't Olivia. Don't think about whatever it is about us. Just stop thinking about it right now."

"Fitz, what if…"

"NO! Damn it Olivia! Just stop. There's nothing about us that we don't already know or can't handle. Stop thinking and just… just sleep. You just said you had a long day, so get some sleep. Please sweet baby, stop thinking."

"Fine. I'm just tired Fitz. I'll talk to you tomorrow."


	3. Papa Pope Has Spoke

"Olivia, open the door!" he screamed.

After several minutes, she finally went to answer. "You do know that it's five in the morning and I'm asleep right dad?"

"I do but I don't really care. Now let me in and I'll make you breakfast."

She moved away from the door letting Rowan in before closing it.

"Why are you here so early? Don't you have something else to do other than wake me up?"

"I came to chat."

"About Fitz and me? Like the rest of the world is trying to do? I don't want to hear about it."

Rowan pulled out a fry pan starting eggs for her while they spoke. "That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. Don't you think this 'relationship' has gotten out of hand? Jake told me that you broke up with him for Fitz. Olivia, the man is married. We both know he isn't going to leave that awful woman. He will tell you over and over again that he is but his actions will speak louder. The President and First Lady will be together until one of them dies. You need to recognize that, Olivia."

"I'm enjoying how everyone in my life is giving me advice about my relationship and telling me what to do lately. Fitz and I are fine going with what we have now. When his term is over, we will really be together. The country asked for Mellie, not me. I'm waiting patiently for four years to be over."

"So you're saying you're going to stay with this man while he goes to sleep with his wife every night instead of you?"

"That's just how it has to be for now. For now he is with Mellie and he'll be with me later."

"Is that his words or yours?"

"It doesn't matter whose words they are. Those are facts; facts that I have to live with."

Rowan put her eggs on a plate in front of her as he made his. "Does that seem fair to you? You miss out on everything that he has to offer. You are wasting your time. You don't have forever, Olivia. He's already almost died once. What's to say that won't happen again? Or if he has a heart attack? A stroke? What are you going to be? Nothing, you will be the woman he slept with on the side for a few years. No one will remember what you and he had because you were never together." He let out a breath before continuing. "I raised you better than this. You are better than this. You deserve to be in a man's life that will give you all his attention and not just a few seconds in a locked closet."

"But I deserved to be put in boarding school and ignored for years, right?"

"That's not what we're talking about and you know it. What would you do if something were to happen to him right now?"

Olivia looked down at her plate not knowing but thinking of an answer. "There's nothing I could do. He's not mine but I would mourn him more than anyone else in this world. Part of me would die with him and soon after, the rest of me would too. Without Fitz, I have nothing. I have no future to look forward to without him."

"But you could make one. You are your own person. You don't need anyone else to live. Olivia, you need to make some decisions about how you want your life to be. And you need to make them without Fitz. We both know they never leave their wives, they never do."


	4. Choose Me

Olivia went over everything people have said in her head while she was at work that day. Inside, she knew she was starting to break. Liv wasn't sure what she could do. Breaking up with Fitz would be extremely hard, if it was for good this time. But she said that it was for good the last time too. The more people talked about her relationship with him, she knew she wouldn't be able to stand another four years without him completely. Feeling very vulnerable, Liv put on her coat and grabbed her purse heading out.

"Liv, where are you going? We have…" Abby yelled after her but the door closed.

Olivia rushed to her car getting to the White House in record time. She showed Morris her hard pass and went in to the Oval.

"Good morning, Miss Pope. The President isn't in right now," Lauren told her as she approached the Oval.

"Thank you, Lauren. I'll just wait for him in there." Olivia opened the Oval door and sat on the couch waiting for him to come back.

She threw her things in the chair looking around the room. Walking towards the desk, memories flashed in her mind of the things he had done to her on it. Going toward the window, more memories came. Everywhere in the room held some sort of memory of the two of them together.

Liv went around the room waiting for his return for an hour before the door opened. She stood at the window, frozen looking outside at the garden.

"Business or pleasure, Liv?" Fitz asked when he saw her. After a few seconds she turned to face him. He knew the look on her face rather well. "Neither. What's wrong?"

"Fitz, we need to talk about this."

"Didn't I tell you last night to stop thinking? Just stop thinking about everything and let it be what it is. We can't change anything."

Fitz stepped closer to her before she said a word. "You know I wouldn't ask you to do something unless absolutely necessary. And I don't want to have you do something that you didn't want to. I don't want you to do something that you'll regret later. I need you to do this because it's what you want. This has to be what you want because I don't want you to hate me. And if you do this for me then you'll hate me. And I can help you if that's what you want. I just need you to…"

"Livie, you're rambling. Just tell me what it is and we'll work on this. Whatever you need; tell me."

Olivia stepped closer to the window as he moved closer to her. "I do not want to need this. You know I hate needing something from others, especially you."

"I know; so tell me what it is."

She folded her hands together in front of her looking up at him so he knew she was serious. "Fitz, I need you to choose me. I need you to be with me and not as a side. I can't be the mistress anymore. I need you. And I hate feeling this way, this vulnerable isn't me and God I hate to admit it. I need you to choose me, Fitzgerald."


	5. But

Fitz stood in front of her stunned at what she was asking. He locked eyes with her making sure that he heard her correctly. Olivia, the woman who he wanted to give everything, was actually asking him to pick her.

"Why now? What changed? What's going on?" he asked worried that something terrible had happened.

"I can't do this anymore, Fitz. Four people in the past two days have told me that this relationship is going nowhere. All of them have said I'm wasting my time. I can't keep this up anymore. I don't want to need you to do something but I do. You have to choose."

"Livie, I've told you before I'd give all this up for you."

"I don't want you to give up the presidency. I need you to leave Mellie, please Fitz, and just do something for us."

Fitz sat down in his chair turning around to see her. "I can't kick her out. She'll cause a conniption and issues for this country. She'll cause a problem for you. Olivia," Fitz spoke before it hit him. She was needy and she hated to be needy. She was asking for something she didn't want to. "Olivia, are you pregnant?"

"What? No, of course I'm not pregnant. Fitz, there's no baby. Abby, Huck, my dad, and Jake have all…"

"Jake? Why were you with Jake?"

"As if you didn't know? We had dinner two nights ago. Your agents followed us in there. They didn't tell you about our fight?" Fitz shook his head no and she continued. "All of them keep saying I'm wasting my time. You will never leave Mellie, even after your terms are over. We will never be together. I need to show them they're wrong. I need to show them that you are I are serious and not just a little side piece for you to play with. Please, I need to know that I'm more than a mistress to you."

"You know you're more than that Liv, you're the love of my life."

"You keep saying that. Show me!"

"I've been telling you since the campaign that I'd give it all up for you. But…"

"No, there can't be a 'but' in there. Because you saying 'but' means that you're hesitating."

"But Livie, I… I can't… not right now. We've got Congress exactly where we need them. We've got the reelection coming. You're working so hard on the campaign. Why ruin what we've got going? You know there's nothing more in this world that I would rather do than leave all of this and be with you. It's just… it's not a good time right now."

Olivia stared blankly at him for a few moments. She was nearly positive that she was either dreaming or he was pulling a nasty joke on her. "Please tell me you are not really serious. I'm actually standing in Oval office with you, begging you to choose me and leave the wife that you can't stand, and you are saying it's not a good time? Fitz, I'm not calling you for a chat. I'm begging you to save me from the next four years of hell for us and be with me for real like you've wanted to for four years. Are you seriously saying that you won't do this for me, for us?"

Fitz could see the tears starting in her eyes and his heart broke at the sight. He was doing this to her, to them, but there was no other way around it. "You have always put my presidency above everything else. Especially above us. This Olivia, the one standing here with me, this isn't my Livie. My Livie wouldn't let the country done, she wouldn't let me let the American people down."

"I know I'm being selfish. I hate feeling this way. I just can't take it anymore. I want the life that we've been waiting for. Vermont and kids and jam… it's all right there in front of us. All you have to do is leave Mellie."

"And let the country down."

"And let me down."

"Livie, please don't think about it like that. I'm not leaving you. I'm not letting you go. I'm just asking you to wait a little longer. We can get through this together. The campaign for reelection is over in six months. Once we make sure that I am President for another four years and we get these bills passed in Congress, the minute that's over I'll divorce Mellie and we'll be together for real. Sweet baby, we're so close."

Olivia started to cry complete tears when he called her sweet baby. He knew the effect it had on her. "Fitz, I can't wait six months. I can't wait six days. I'll spin this presidency in any way you want. I'll make sure that both you and Mellie are happy with the divorce agreement and anything else you need. Fitz, please, don't make me wait six months. I won't last."

"Liv, we missed the first exit. There's going to be another; we just have to wait for it. We will have another chance at our time. But it's not right now."

"So you are asking me to wait another six months. And in the mean time I wait in locked closets and empty elevators for you to get a spare moment to spend with me. How is that fair?"

"That's… that's how it is for now. It's going to change. It will change, right after the election."

Olivia pushed herself off the wall going towards the chair that she put her things in, still crying. "I cannot be kept as your dirty little secret anymore. I'm sorry I came here and wasted your time."

"Olivia, you know you aren't a secret."

She put on her coat looking at him. "Really? Who knows what we are?"

"Cyrus does. Cyrus and Jake and your team and your father. All of them know. And Mellie, she knows. She knows how important you are to me."

"So that's it? That's everyone. I'm apparently the best kept secret in Washington if those are the only people who know."

Liv headed toward the door not bothering to turn around when he called her name numerous times. She headed down the hallway to the exit.

"OLIVIA." Fitz yelled after her but she kept walking. "OLIVIA CAROLYN POPE! DO NOT WALK AWAY FROM ME!"

After a moment she paused long enough for him to catch up to her. People stepped aside letting him get to her.

"Don't you ever yell at me like that again," she forcefully whispered to him.

"Do not walk away from me. We are not done."

"We were done a half hour ago when you chose your wife."


	6. Avoid

Olivia picked up her cell phone hitting the ignore button for the millionth time in four days. After Fitz chose Mellie, she went home and locked the door, burying herself under the blankets in bed once she got the curtains drawn. Liv hadn't dealt with the outside world in four days. She kept a box on saltine crackers by her bed to fight off starvation every so often. Other than going to the bathroom, she stayed in bed. How could Fitz actually chose the woman he despised most in the world over Olivia?

Fitz had tried everything to contact her since she left the White House four days ago. He called every half hour during the day, every hour at night, sent agents to her apartment and office, and personally went to her apartment every night pounding on the door for an hour. He even had Cyrus call her. No matter what, Olivia let the phone go to voicemail each time. She was in no mood to deal with him. He left a message each time he called but she wouldn't listen to it.

She held her pillow tight to her body with her head under the blanket ignoring the calls coming in. Her team had called several times trying to get her to come to work but it was no use. Olivia was not going to move from that bed unless there was a fire under her, and even that was debatable.

Fitz looked at the clock in the middle of his meeting seeing it was 7 at night. Time to call Olivia.

"I'm sorry gentlemen, it's getting late. Let's pick this up tomorrow morning," he dismissed them all. Fitz pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Olivia as he went into the Oval. Again, she never answered and went to her voicemail. "Livie, answer the phone please. We can work something out during the campaign. I need you with me. You cannot leave me like this. We can get through these six months together. It's killing me more than it is you. I am the one who has to deal with Mellie every day. Livie, just… just call me back and we'll work this out. I love you and I can't lose you. I'll be over soon."

Fitz hung up and told Tom and Daniel to pull the car around. In half an hour, they arrived and Fitz was knocking on the door for the fourth night in a row. He called her name several times but again she didn't answer.

"Why the hell are you here?" a female voice said behind him from the elevator.

Fitz turned around to see who talking. "She's not answering the door or her phone from anyone. I just need to talk to her," Fitz told her.

"You need to leave. You cannot be here. There's obviously a reason that she's not answering to you. Or to anyone for that matter."

Fitz looked at her with several bags in her hands full of groceries. "She's not eating?"

"Whether she is or she isn't doesn't concern you anymore. I'm pretty sure that you and I had this discussion when we were on the campaign together. I warned you what would happen if you hurt her."

"Abby, this is not what it seems."

"What did I tell you about hurting her?"

"That if I did, you'd bust every bone I have. And I told you I'd gladly let you. But Abby, I'm not going to hurt her. This isn't what I want to do. And it's partially your fault that she's hurting. You told her that I'd never leave Mellie."

Abby put the bags next to the door standing next to Fitz. "Because you won't. You will never leave your wife for Olivia. We've all told her that she should leave you."

"She did. She left me because I told her that I couldn't leave Mellie right now. I asked Liv to wait just until the campaign is over. After the campaign and all the bills we need passed are done, I can finally leave Mellie and be with Liv for real."

"So in the meantime, she gets to sit at home alone every night and watch you on tv. Don't you think that she deserves better than to sit and wait for you? After everything that she's done for you over the past four years, that woman deserves the damn moon. Especially after you were shot. My God, you have no idea about the shit that went on while you were in that damn coma. You need to leave. I have to take care of her."

"Could you just let me in to see her? I'd like to make sure that she's okay. See for myself that she's okay."

"No, absolutely not. I do not need you hurting her anymore. She's going to get over you eventually, she just needs her friends to help her. I don't think you should come back here again."

Abby put her key in the door and unlocked it going in and slamming the door closed. She made sure to lock it after she took the groceries in so Fitz wouldn't just walk in. Abby put the groceries away in the kitchen and made Liv something light to eat and went to the bedroom to find her. Liv was laying in the bed mostly under the blanket.

"I don't want to eat," she told Abby.

"You have to eat something. You haven't really eaten anything in a few days."

"Is he gone?"

"Yes, he just left. You asked him to leave her?"

"I can't stand being his mistress anymore. But he said no, so that's it. I just don't want to wait another four years for him to actually be with me. Abby, can you please just go? I don't feel like having people around."


	7. Feel

Olivia was able to finally make Abby leave after a couple hours. She was forcing Liv to eat something just so she knew that she wouldn't die of starvation. While Abby was there, Olivia made sure to keep her long sleeves down her arms since she didn't want Abby to know what she'd been doing for the past four days.

For the next couple days, Liv was still in bed. She didn't want to deal with anyone still or see the disaster that the city had become without her. Each one of her team had come to check on her every day but it was no luck getting her out of bed.

On the tenth day of Liv not getting out of bed, she finally decided that it was enough. She wasn't ready to see the outside of her apartment but she did need to get out of bed. Liv got up and started the shower. As she got in she saw, for the first time in light, the damage to her skin she caused. She stepped into the shower running her finger over the cuts across her arms. In the middle of her forearm on the left arm were random slashes across her skin. Nine cuts in total. She wasn't proud that she'd done it, but it made her feel a bit better. With each cut, she actually felt something. For days she'd been numb not able to feel anything. Each cut, she cried with even though she knew she couldn't as a gladiator but the cuts helped her. The stress of not being with Fitz anymore went away when she slashed one at a time. As Liv remembered how she felt each time she cut herself, she pulled the razor off the side of the bathtub and slowly cut the surface of her left arm. The second the razor drew blood, she felt something. A little burn but a good burn as the blood slowly came out.

After a few hours, Liv made herself some dinner and sat at the table when the doorbell rang.

"You have a key, Abby," Liv shouted pulling the sleeves down to her wrists as she went to the door. Without thinking since Abby said she'd be back later, Liv opened the door. "What the hell are you doing here?" she asked Fitz.

"You are alive, thank God. Just let me explain please. Livie, I miss you, please give me a chance."

"No, I don't want to hear your explanations or excuses. I got it the first time. You can't leave her. That's all I need to know."

"You know that I will leave her. It's just now…"

"Isn't a convenient time. I get it. That's your choice. It's fine. I've realized that it's all fair. You wanted to give up your job to be with me and I said no. I wanted you to give up your job and you said no. There, now we're even."

"This isn't a tennis match. We aren't going for the win here, Liv. I will leave Mellie as soon as everything is done I will."

"Fine, and if I'm still here in four years, we can talk then about this. But for now this is how it is. I need you to leave."

"Not four years, six months. That's all I'm asking for Liv, six months and it will be over. The waiting for us to be together will be over. Livie, please just listen to me. In six months this will be over and we'll have Vermont."

"Just move on Fitz. Six months isn't what I asked for. I asked for now and you can't deliver. We're done. This is it. There is no Vermont or kids or jam at the end of this. We hit a fork in the road. I went left and you've gone right. I hope you enjoy your time with your wife, Mr. President." Olivia slammed the door closed in his face giving the coffin the final nail.

"Damn it Olivia! WE ARE NOT DONE! WE NEVER WILL BE!" Fitz shouted through the door to her before he left.


	8. Out Of Bed

"Have any of you had any success at getting her out of bed?" Cyrus asked the OPA team two days later. After Fitz had spent the day before and that morning screaming at him to do something productive, Cyrus decided it was time to go check in at Olivia Pope and Associates for an update. "Is she still in bed? What the hell is going on?"

"I'm standing right behind you, Cy," Liv made her presence known to all of them. "I'm touched that all of you are concerned with me but there is no need to be anymore. I'm here and I'm back so let's get some work done. Cyrus, have a good day at work."

Cyrus put his coat on and kissed her cheek heading to the door. Everyone was relieved that Liv was out of the apartment and back to the real world. They started to catch her up on the things that were happening after she'd been MIA to the world for the past two weeks.

Cyrus returned to the White House glad he could give Fitz some good news. Since Fitz was barking at everyone who walked through the door, Cyrus thought it was a good thing to tell him immediately.

"She's fine, Liv's fine. She's at work now. Looks good, like she actually got some rest. Dismissed me the second she got there. She's back, the Olivia Pope is back to herself," Cyrus informed him.

"Good, now I can make her see reason again," Fitz started to pick up the phone before Cyrus dropped it back.

"No. She just got back to work. We both know that she won't answer any call from your phone, my phone, or the White House. Give her some time and space to breathe and see what happens. She always comes back. Maybe after a little time she'll come back and stay for good. But you won't know that until you actually try to give her space."

Fitz thought about it for several minutes. "Alright; I will give her some space. I won't show up at her apartment or her work. But I won't stop calling," Fitz told him but only saw Cyrus role his eyes. "I won't call as much but I want to talk to her some time. Even if it's just to hear her voice on the machine. If that's the only contact I have with her, then fine, I will live on edge. But don't take away my reason for breathing."

"You do know that she won't take kindly to that. She says you're over. So she won't answer. You'll be lucky if she even listens to a message you leave her."

"That's just a risk I'm willing to take."

Olivia struggled through her first day back to the office correcting things that people have done since she left two weeks before. After the long day at work she was able to go home. All day she'd been dodging White House calls, knowing it was Fitz. After she put her things done and locked the door, Liv started the hot bath that she so deserved after the idiots in D.C. ruined her day. She sat on the bed and listened to her voicemails. The first was from Abby an hour before making sure she had something to eat. The second, from Cyrus ensuring their weekly lunch date for the next day. And the last, from Fitz of course. For a second she wondered if she really wanted to listen to it, but decided she needed to hear his voice. She hit play and held the phone to her ear.

_"Livie. I wanted to see how you're day went. First day back in two weeks, Cy told me. How are you? Can we still talk? Liv, tell me the rules we're playing with. I need to know I can call you. I won't stop calling, Livie. I can't. Please tell me what to do. Tell me how we work this out because this will all work out. I don't know what to do. You can always call me, Liv. Any time, night or day. Hopefully, we'll talk soon. Goodnight, sweet baby. I do love you." _

Olivia fought herself not to immediately call him back. His call was just from a few minutes ago but still, she didn't want to do it. She put her phone on the nightstand and went in to take her bath. When she was relaxed in the tub, her mind drifted back to Fitz, like it always did. Liv saw the razor at the side, just within reach. Without thinking she grabbed it, slicing left to right across her left arm. It felt so good to her. Like she could breathe again. Like the blood comes out of her arm was the stress relief she needed. The cut wasn't deep; just enough to cut the surface, like she dropped the razor by mistake and nicked herself. After the blood stopped, Liv got out, changed into pajamas and went to bed.

"You're late," Cyrus told her as he sent a text.

"Sorry, didn't know we were on that tight a schedule today," Liv replied.

"I already ordered for us. Shrimp scampi as always, my dear."

"Well thank you honey, how's work?"

"He isn't sleeping."

Olivia took a sip of water before she answered. "I asked how work was, not how he was. If I wanted to know, I will ask. Or return a phone call. So let's try it again, how's work?"

"Work is fine. Nothing that I can't handle. What about you? How are you? How is work?"

"Work is fine, handling everything as always. I'm fine." Cyrus stared at her waiting for the real answer. "What?"

"You aren't fine. Work is probably fine, but you aren't. You spent two weeks away from work, in bed of all places. I would have understood if you took a vacation but you spent it in bed. He's hurting too, you know."

"Cyrus, if I wanted to talk about him I would ask you or bring him up somehow. But I don't. So let's not go there. He doesn't want me anymore and I'm learning to live with that. I am handling it the best I can. I'm so sorry the damn city fell apart for two weeks while I dealt with my life in bed. That's apparently what most people do. After a breakup they stay in bed and watch romantic movies and shove their face full of unhealthy things. For me, it just meant that I stayed in bed and didn't eat until Abby forced something down my throat every now and then. If he's hurting, if he's hurt, maybe he should try the same thing or spend the day getting drunk on Scotch. But he already does that. I don't really care if he's hurting because at least when I told him no to not leave his job, I wasn't walking away. He's walking away but can't let go of the shiny object."

Olivia stopped when the waiter brought their food, giving Cyrus a minute to jump in. "I took all the Scotch and the rest of the liquor away. The last thing I need is the President going to the hospital to get his stomach pumped. And he's not allowed to stay in bed for the whole day unless he's deadly ill. This country counts on him. The way I hear it, you are the one who walked away this time. With good cause, I will add. If I was in your shoes, I'd probably do the same thing. I don't want to be kept a secret either. But we made sure that he became President. WE did that Liv. So unfortunately, you being a secret was part of the deal when you two couldn't keep your hands off each other. It sucks, I know. But Liv, he's not sleeping. As a favor to me…"

"Because the last time I did you a favor it turned out so great?"

"As a favor to me, will you at least answer the phone when he calls you tonight? You don't have to say anything. Just answer the phone and breathe in sync with him. We both know he hasn't lost you for good."

Olivia let out a sarcastic laugh, "he has. I won't be kept a secret but I also won't go public with our affair."

"I never thought you would."


	9. Invitation

"Would it help if I got down on my hands and knees and begged you to go with me? I could if that's what it will take, please Liv?"

Olivia sat in her office watching Cyrus plead with her. "Why aren't you taking James? You'd have more fun with him anyway."

"James is going out of town. He took Ella to his parents' house for the weekend. Please Liv? Please?" Cyrus started to get down on his knees giving her puppy dog eyes. "Look, I'm on my knees begging you to go with me. How can you say no to me now?"

"Fine, fine, get up before you break something. I will go to the gala with you next Friday. But know that this isn't me saying yes to seeing him or going back to him. This is me saying yes I will go with you to the gala but if you leave me with him at any point in the night, I will help James get another baby."

"I promise not to leave you all night. I'll be by your side no matter what."

Four months had gone past since Fitz chose Mellie instead of Olivia. Neither of them had seen each other anywhere other than television. The gala wasn't for another ten days so there was time for Liv to get working on seeing Fitz in person. Silently she wondered if Cyrus could just sneak her in through the back but she knew he wouldn't do that. This would be her moment of truth when she actually saw Fitz. Would she just be able to say hello and continue on greeting people? Or would she crumble into a small ball and beg for him to take her back. Knowing Olivia, she'd probably kindly say hi and ignore him the rest of the night. And with success, she'd be able to.

"So I will have the limo pick you up at seven and we can go together. Wear something elegant," Cyrus shouted as he walked out.

Cyrus went back to the White House to continue his work for the day. Prepping the meetings for the next day and ensuring the President had what he needed.

"Everything is set?" Fitz asked as he went into Cyrus's office.

"Your meetings are scheduled and your briefer will be here tomorrow morning to fill you in on the overnight happenings. Everything and everyone is ready at your say so."

"That's good," he nodded, "but that's not what I was referring to. Did you convince her to come with you to the gala?"

Cyrus sat in his chair and put the papers in his hand away. "You owe me big time. I literally had to get on my hands and knees and beg her to come. Lucky for you, I'm sweet when I want to be and she agreed. I also had to promise not to leave her side the entire night. So whatever plan you're working on, it had better be a good one."

"Thank you Cyrus, I will make sure this all works out. How did she look? When I saw her on the news the other night she looked sick. Like she hadn't been eating."

"She looked fine like she always does and I make sure that she does eat. I feed her once a week. Liv is fine and healthy."

Fitz left Cyrus to finish his work with only Olivia on his mind. Four months of not speaking, of not seeing each other in person, was killing him. Lately, he'd cut down to only half a bottle of Scotch each night instead of the two he was drinking when they first parted. He was looking forward to seeing Liv for himself next week. Actually being in the same room with her, breathing the same air would be wonderful. He needed to see her more than anything. Whenever he heard someone say her name he froze wondering if she was really in the building and why she was there. This gala was going to be great if she would speak to him.


	10. Last Cut Is The Deepest

Just before five, Liv started to get ready for the gala. The first time in four months she would actually see him and that wasn't what she was looking forward to. One night of no work and just being with Cyrus drinking, dancing, having fun was a night she needed. But Fitz was a setback. She'd been strong to not call him at all or answer the phone when he did call. But tonight, in person, she wasn't sure if she could be that strong. As she got in the shower, she saw the razor sitting right on the edge. It tempted her, provoked her to cut again. She hadn't cut herself in two days. Liv thought she was doing better. But soon the stress was getting to her. One little cut like usual wouldn't hurt, right? Just a little slash on her skin to let a little relief. Quickly, she picked up the razor and gently slid it across the surface of her arm. With the long sleeve dress she chose to wear for the night, no one was going to notice her torn apart arm. As the blood started to come out, she leaned her head back relaxing as it helped her relieve some of the stress. If anyone knew she was cutting herself, she might die of embarrassment but no one would ever find out. Olivia was too smart to let anyone find out. She made sure that she wore long sleeves or always had a jacket on. She looked at her arm seeing that most of the cuts were healed and looked like normal skin. But seven of them, seven were scabbed over. Liv ignored them and let the blood stop coming out. When it was done, she continued to finish her shower and get ready.

Seven o'clock came quick. Olivia had finished putting on her makeup and fixing her hair a few minutes before. She slid into her white floor length dress with one sleeve, the left. The sleeve went all the way to her wrist and she liked it. It would cover all of the scabs and scars. As she looked in the bathroom mirror making sure she looked okay, she made notes in her mind.

Don't leave Cyrus's side.

Don't let Cyrus leave your side.

Say hello to him and continue on.

Don't say another word to him all night.

Olivia knew that the last part would be somewhat difficult. If Fitz wanted to talk to her, he would find a way. No matter what, she couldn't let that happen. She could not force herself to be able to speak to him other than the polite hello when she walked in with Cyrus. As Liv made the notes she grew more stressful. But she promised that she would go with Cyrus, and Olivia Pope does not make a promise and break it. Without really thinking because of the adrenaline pumping through her to get this night over with, she pulled her sleeve up and grabbed the razor. Just as she slid the razor across the surface, her doorbell rang, startling her. The razor went down her skin straight, harder than normal, deeper, to her wrist. She didn't see much blood and patted what was there away with the towel before going to the door rolling her sleeve down.

"You look amazing," Cyrus told her when she opened the door.

"Cyrus, looking great. Ready to go?" she asked grabbing her purse.

As she went to grab her purse, Cyrus caught sight or her sleeve. The blood was staining her dress and dripping to the floor.

"Liv, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, a little light headed right now." Before she could say another word, she collapsed to the floor.

Cyrus yelled back to his agents to call an ambulance as he caught her head before she hit the floor.


	11. Gala

Fitz stood at the entryway with Mellie at his side. They said hello, shook hands, hugged on everyone that walked in. Nearly everyone was there who was coming and still Fitz had yet to see Cyrus and Olivia walk in. As the last people came in and Fitz and Mellie went to take their seats, Fitz pulled Tom aside.

"Has Cyrus shown up yet?" he asked his agent.

"No, Sir. He's probably on his way. He'll be here soon," Tom answered.

"Call his detail and find out where he is. They should have been here already."

"Yes, sir."

Tom excused himself and called Cyrus's agents. When his agent answered, he handed the phone to Cyrus allowing him to talk to Tom.

"Mr. Beene, the President would like to know your e.t.a. How soon will you be here?" Tom asked.

"Please tell the President that I may not be able to make it to the gala. Something important came up and I can't get out of."

"Sir, if this has anything to do with the business of the country, I'll have to inform him."

"No," Cyrus rushed to answer. "This has nothing to do with the country. Just let him know that an urgent matter came up and I am taking care of it. Let him know that it may take longer than just tonight."

"Yes, Sir."

Tom hung up and made his way towards Fitz as he sat at the table as dinner arrived.

"Sir, I've just hung up with Mr. Beene, he informed me to tell you that he apologizes but he will not be able to come tonight, an urgent matter came up. But it has nothing to do with the status of the country. He said it might take more than tonight."

Fitz nodded in understanding but was a bit upset that he wasn't coming with Liv tonight. Tom stepped back into his position behind Fitz.

After the dinner was served and Fitz gave his speech, people started the dancing portion of the night. As Fitz did his duty and danced with Mellie, his mind was completely on Cyrus and what could have happened. Was there a car accident that they were in? No, secret service would have told him about that. Was Olivia sick and he was taking care of her? No, that would have been something he would have told Tom to tell him. What could have happened that Cyrus and Olivia wouldn't have made it to the gala?

"You have to at least pretend that you're paying attention to me," Mellie forced when she noted that Fitz was in another world.

"I'm sorry; Cyrus isn't here so I'm a bit worried about him."

"You're worried about her. I told you after the election you can have your divorce. I'm to the point that I don't care anymore. But at least tonight, you need to act like you're paying attention to me. Just pretend I'm Olivia for the next two minutes during this dance. After that, go to your office and call Cyrus. Maybe if you talk to him directly, you'll get a straight answer about what's going on."

Fitz was grateful that Mellie had stopped putting Olivia down and calling her every name that popped into her head. She agreed that once Fitz was reelected, she would sign the divorce papers without complaint. Since Jerry's death, she just wasn't up to doing the job as First Lady anymore. When the dance was over, Fitz kissed her cheek and headed down to the Oval with Tom and Daniel right behind him.

"Tom, did you get any background noise when you talked to Cyrus? Anything that would give you a hint about where he was?"

"No, Sir. It was quiet. He might have been at home. I'm not sure, I called his cell phone."

Fitz shut the door to the Oval and sat at his desk. He called Cyrus's cell phone and waited for an answer.

"Didn't I tell you to tell the President that I am busy?" Cyrus barked assuming it was Tom on the other line.

"I understand that you are busy. I'm busy too. Where are you? Where's Olivia?"

"Sir, it's you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap."

"Apologize later, Cyrus. What's the urgent matter that keeps you away from the gala? What's going on?"

Cyrus started to pace in circles across the waiting room floor at James Madison Hospital. "Nothing, nothing I can't handle. You should go enjoy the gala, sir. I'll have this all taken care of hopefully no later than tomorrow night." Cyrus knew that now was not a good time to tell Fitz that Olivia had been cutting herself and was now sedated while they pumped more blood into her. That would have to wait for another time. "Everything is fine, Fitz."

"Cyrus, I don't really like that tone. Obviously something is up. Is it James? Ella? What can I do? Are you okay?"

"Everyone is fine. James and Ella are at his parents' house they're fine. Go back to your party."

Fitz hesitated for a moment. He wanted to ask but was afraid of what the answer would be. After a minute of silence he asked. "Is Olivia okay?"

He heard Cyrus take a deep breath and let it out. "Olivia will be okay. She's just…"

"Will be? What happened? Is she hurt?"

"Fitz could you calm down a little. Liv will be just fine, I think. Look, you don't need to worry. She's going to be fine."

Fitz sat forward in his chair ready to scream. "Cyrus, let me explain this. You telling me not to worry about Olivia makes me worry about Olivia even more. You saying that she's going to be fine means that at this moment she isn't which makes me worry even more. And I'm not going to calm down because Olivia is not in my line of vision at this moment so I can't see for myself that she is okay. Where are you right now?"

Cyrus stopped pacing and worked through the situation in his head for a minute. "I'll call you…"

"Her stitches came out!" Fitz heard a woman yell in the background.

"Cyrus, what's going on?"

"CODE BLUE!" he heard the same voice yell.

"CYRUS!"

Cyrus hung up rushing to the window at Olivia's room. They started to use the paddles to bring her back. After one shock to her heart, they had a heart beat again. Quickly, nurses and doctors started to uncover her arm and stitch together as fast as they could to ensure that no more blood would come out of her cut vein.

When Cyrus was sure that Liv was back with him, he made arrangements and called Fitz back.

"Cyrus, what's going on? Are you in a hospital?"

"Tom is getting the car pulled around. You need to go with him and he'll bring you here. I'll explain everything when you get here."

"Is Olivia okay?"

"For the moment she is alright. Just follow Tom."

Without any hesitation, Fitz grabbed his coat from the closet and followed Tom out to the car. He worried the whole way over to the hospital about her. What could she have done that she was in the hospital?

_"Her job. That's what caused all of this. Whatever happened it's because of her job!"_ he thought.

When they arrived at the hospital, Cyrus was waiting passed the doors to take him to her room. He shouted off a thousand questions wanting each one answered right then.

"Fitz, you have to calm down a little. You aren't going to be much use to her if you're yelling and not letting anyone explain," Cyrus told him.

Cyrus took him to Liv's room to let him see her through the window. The heart monitor showed that she had a steady heartbeat. Fitz could see her arm tightly wrapped in white bandages, the IV blood drip going into her, and the oxygen tube against her nose.

"Who did this to her?" Fitz asked in a whisper.

"She did this to herself."

"No, no," Fitz shook his head. "That's not possible. Someone had to have done this to her. There's no way Liv would do something like that."

Cyrus watched Fitz shake holding back some tears for a moment before he pulled him into the waiting room. "She tried to kill herself, Fitz. For whatever reason, she did. The doctor said that from the angle, it was self-inflicted. Olivia did this to herself. I don't know why she did it or how or when but she did. That's going to be the first thing we have to deal with after we know that she's going to make it."

"What are you talking about? She's got a steady heartbeat from the machine it looks like."

"She coded just before I hung up with you. They used the paddles and brought her back. She should be okay but there's also a possibility, little as it may be, that she could code again. The doctor said the cut was so deep it opened her vein. She lost so much blood on the way here from her apartment they started giving her more blood when she arrived and stitched her up. She didn't cut across the entire vein from what they said. But there are parts of her vein that she did slice open. They have her sedated right now and when they are sure that she's going to be fine, they are putting her on a 48 hour psych hold. It's their policy when someone tries to commit suicide. Olivia will be okay, Fitz, you just have to remember that she is Olivia Pope and will make it."

Fitz sat with Cyrus for several hours in the waiting room until Tom woke him up with a phone call.

"Mellie?" Fitz made sure it was her when he took the phone.

"What happened? They told me you had an emergency with Cyrus and needed to leave. Are they okay?" she asked him showing true concern.

"It's Liv, she's…"

Mellie realized why Fitz stopped and didn't say anymore. "I'm not going to use it against her, Fitz. At one point, Olivia and I were friends. If she's in trouble I'd like to see what I can do to help her. I know I can be a hateful bitch but Olivia is probably the one friend I might have left."

"Liv… tried to kill herself," he said. He stopped when he heard her gasp in surprise. "It's bad but the doctors have her taken care of. She's stitched and wrapped. Her left arm is all wrapped up. Cyrus said she coded just before I got here. That's why he sent for me. He wasn't sure if she was really going to make it or not."

"Think positive okay? I'm sure Liv will be fine."

"They have her sedated right now. And when that's over she'll be put on a suicide watch psych hold for a couple days. After that, we can hope that she'll be okay."

Mellie stood up ready to go. "I'll be over in a few minutes. Which hospital?"

"Mellie, you should stay there. It's late. She might not even wake up tonight. She could be out for a while. I'm just going to stay until morning. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"Okay, but keep me updated please. I still consider her a friend even though we aren't really on speaking terms. But when she wakes up, I'm going to fix that."

"Sure. I'll let you know and you can work it out with her."

Fitz hung up and went to the window of her room. He went in quietly to the room looking her over. Her heartbeat was still steady; she was breathing on her own; but looked pale. He pulled a chair over towards the bed and took his jacket off. Softly, he took her left hand in his just holding it. As he looked up to her face, he noticed her blinking her eyes at him, as if she was trying to see him in the dark room.

He bent his head to her hand and kissed her palm and said one word so she knew he was there.

"Hi."


	12. Visiting

"Hi," Fitz whispered against her palm. He moved up and kissed her cheek then her lips.

"Aren't you supposed to be at the gala?" she asked him trying to sit up.

"It's four in the morning. I came here as soon as I could when Cyrus said that you'd been hurt. He set it up to get me here. Get some sleep, Livie."

Olivia sat up on the bed and asked him to turn the light on. Fitz turned on the light and sat on the bed facing her. Slowly, he drew his fingers across her cheek and saw how easily she nestled into his hand.

"You're cold, I'll grab you another blanket." Fitz left the room going to the nurse's station. Right now, he was just so happy that Liv was alive but knew that soon he would have to confront her about killing herself. It wasn't a conversation he really wanted to deal with at the moment. The nurse gave him several blankets and he went back to Liv's room. When he walked in, she was leaning back half asleep. Fitz turned off the light and carefully moved her so she could lay in his arms. He covered them both with blankets and held the only woman he truly ever loved.

"You need to get back to Mellie," she told him somewhat awake.

"I'm right where I need to be now. Go to sleep, Olivia. I'll be here when you wake up." Fitz kissed her temple and drew circles on her arm knowing that would put her to sleep soon.

Cyrus woke up in the uncomfortable chair in the waiting room looking around but didn't see Fitz. He got up and started to look for him heading to Liv's room. Peeking through the window he could see Olivia turned on her side with her left arm wrapped around Fitz and him holding her close to him both in a deep sleep. Looking at his watch he noted that it was nine in the morning. Cyrus thought about going to wake the President but knew it would be a pointless effort because he would never leave Olivia while she was in a hospital. He instead headed down to the bakery down the street to get them some breakfast.

When Cyrus returned with doughnuts and coffee, Fitz and Olivia were still in the same position. Cyrus opened the door and set the items on the tray before putting the coffee just under their noses to wake them.

Liv opened her eyes still half wrapped around Fitz. As she moved around it woke Fitz.

"Good morning, Cyrus," she said making some attempt to move off of Fitz who wouldn't let her go.

"Morning it is. Not sure what would be good about it though. I've got coffee and doughnuts for breakfast since I can't bring you any descent food while you're in a psych hold."

"Psych hold?" she asked, "Why would I be in a psych hold?"

"Liv, you…" Cyrus started but Fitz interrupted.

"Let's discuss that later. Enjoy breakfast with me okay?" Fitz sat up with Liv still in his arms and started eating his doughnut.

"I don't mean to break the mood in here but I have to ask," Cyrus said.

Fitz jumped in glaring at him. "No. You do not have to ask. And you won't ask. Now is not a good time."

Olivia drank her coffee and hit the call button next to her to page a nurse in since the two men weren't going to do it.

"Can you two please leave the room for now? I'd like to talk to the doctor alone," Liv asked the guys.

Reluctantly, Fitz left with Cyrus but only to just outside the door. They watched Olivia chat with the doctor as the nurse removed her bandage on her arm and take the IV out. She replaced the bandage with a new one. The nurse stood in front of Olivia's arm blocking Cyrus and Fitz from seeing her cut scars.

"How do I get out of this psych hold?" Liv asked the doctor.

"It's policy to do a 48 hour psych hold with suicide cases. I'm afraid I have to send you up to the psych ward soon."

"But I'm not crazy and I didn't try to kill myself," she told them calmly. "It was an accident. I guess I dropped the razor while I was in the shower or something. I did not intentionally do this."

The doctor looked at her sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Miss Pope. I have no choice. It's out of my hands."

"Then go find me your boss and I'll fix this. There's nothing mentally wrong with me. I didn't purposely do this!"

When Liv started to raise her voice, the doctor knew it was time to leave. He ushered the nurse out of the room before him and closed the door.

"Mr. President, it's an honor to meet you sir," the doctor said shaking his hand.

"Thank you how is she? What can you do to help her?"

"I have to have someone from the psych ward to come down and get her. She'll be taken up there for two days just to ensure that she is mentally stable. If she is indeed stable they will release her then. But whatever it is she tells you, she did for certain try to kill herself. From the looks of it this isn't her first attempt to try to succeed. I really shouldn't tell you this sir, but from what I saw this morning I believe it is important for you to know what it is you're dealing with. Maybe after a couple days she will be better."

"Thank you doctor. Miss Pope will definitely get the help that she needs; I'll make sure of it."

"She's demanding to see my boss right now, trying to get her way out of a hold."

"I'll take care of it."

The doctor nodded and went on his way.

Fitz looked through the window watching Liv for a minute. She kept picking at the bandage as a lame attempt to make it go away.

"Olivia's going to be okay isn't she?"

Fitz and Cyrus turned around seeing Mellie holding a vase of flowers coming towards them.

"Mellie? I thought I said you should stay at the White House? Now is not really a good time."

"I got worried. I thought you would either have called me or showed up at the Oval this morning but Lauren said you and Cyrus hadn't been in all morning. So I came out to check on her myself. Is she awake yet?"

"Yes but…"

Before Cyrus or Fitz said anything else, Mellie stepped in front of them and went into the room.

"Liv," she announced herself and got Olivia's attention. "I'm glad to see are okay. I've been worried all night about you. I brought you some flowers and I thought you might want your favorite to Jason, my agent, he's gone to get you pineapple. I know how much you love it. And tea. He's bringing you tea too. Cyrus brought you coffee again, didn't he? Well coffee makes it better sometimes. But I know you hate coffee. So what's going on?"

"That's what I'd like to know," Liv stated crossing her arms and leaned back. "Why are you here?"

"You are in a hospital, Olivia, I had to come."

"Oh, I get it. It's a publicity stunt. Got it. Well this is done so you can go back to whatever it was you were doing before."

Mellie sat down in the chair next to her. "I know we've had our differences but I think it's time we put that all behind us. Remember when we actually were friends? Before I knew you were sleeping with my husband and we played nicely with each other? I think we could get back to that. Liv, you're really my only friend. Don't you think we've been fighting long enough?"

"Fighting? Mellie you were prepared to sell your husband and me to the wolves to make yourself look good."

"I know. And I've changed. Being alone in that house, no one to talk to, it's changed me. You have no idea how many times I've wanted to show up at your apartment and have some girl talk. You know how Fitz can be. There's a big separation between you and me. For four months, he hasn't really spoken to me unless it was about Teddy or Karen. We don't talk. I wanted to call you because I knew you were the only one who knew what was going on with him. Every time I tried to ask him about you or what was wrong, he either ignored me or got pissed off and started yelling at me."

"You're trying to play victim and it won't work with me."

"I know. And I'm not a victim. I'm just trying to make you understand that I do want to be friends with you again. I want us to be likeable to each other again. At least where we could have a lunch once in a while. This time I promise not to hand you a list of men to date. And I'm sorry about doing that before."

Olivia leaned her head back staring at the ceiling. "This has got to be a dream. They think I tried to kill myself. Fitz is here. You're here, being nice of all things. Right about now is when the Easter bunny would come in with a basket of eggs."

"Well I can assure you that no Easter bunny is coming in with anything. I'm trying to make things right, Liv. Do you think we can get back to that?"

"I don't know. I don't think I can be friends with you or with Fitz ever again."

"Don't say that. Fitz is… it's not my place to say. He'll tell you soon."

"He's still living in a possibility that we could be together after the six months are up in two months. Fitz knew he needed you to keep the presidency and that he wanted to keep you as his wife until all his bills he needed were passed. He isn't understanding that I asked for a right now thing. I wasn't asking for a give a little take a little situation. He chose you. Fitz chose you. You won. I backed out of the fight four months ago when I asked him to choose me and he said no."

"Is that why you tried to kill yourself?"

Olivia let out a loud groan in frustration. "I did NOT try to kill myself. I didn't do anything to physically hurt myself. I don't care what anyone else thinks."

"Okay, okay. I understand that. I should let you get some rest then. I'll get going and see what Fitz is up to. But Liv, I do want us to be friends again."

Olivia nodded in understanding. "We'll see."

Mellie left the room seeing Fitz standing just behind the door. She closed the door behind her and stepped to the side. "Why didn't you tell me that she came to you four months ago? That she asked you to choose her?"

"What?"

"She said you picked me over her. Because you needed me for your job and not her."

Fitz stood straight, taking his eyes off Olivia for a moment to look Mellie in the eyes. "I want to make one thing clear. No matter what situation I am in. The consequences of anything be damned, I will ALWAYS need Olivia. She's the reason that I breathe. We've been married for twenty years and I'm sorry to say this but I have never felt what I feel for Olivia for you. And I'm sure you feel the same way with Andrew." He saw Mellie's shocked look that he knew about her and Andrew. "The man can't hold a bottle of Scotch if his life depended on it."

Once he was finished with Mellie he went into Liv's room and sat next to her bed.

"You can go, you know? There's apparently no way out of this damn psych hold. You'll know where I'm at every minute for at least the next two days. You have a job to do that needs to be done."

"Like I told you earlier, I'm right where I need to be. Since there's no visiting on that floor, I'll head back to the White House when they take you up."

"Fitz, I didn't…"

"We can talk about all of that later. Right now, I'd like to get you well and take you back to your apartment. Once you're ready, we can talk about all of this then. I'm here to get you through this."

As Fitz leaned up to kiss her lips, the doctor came in and told them that they were ready to go up to the psych ward.

When they rolled her bed out to the hall to the elevator, Cyrus stopped and took her hand.

"You do know that you are not getting out of a conversation about what happened ever, right?"

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"Good, hang in there. Be a gladiator and I'll see you in two days."

"You too. Two days, Cy, count the hours."

Fitz bent down and gave her a small kiss on the lips just before the elevator doors closed. Two days of knowing Olivia was in a hospital and he couldn't do anything about it was going to kill him.


	13. Let Out

When Liv arrived on the psych floor she was given a few hours to settle in before it was time for lights out. The nurse told her that she would speak to the doctor a little after lunch the next day. Throughout the night, Liv tossed and turned through what little sleep she did get. It was a waste of space for her to be there, someone else could have desperately needed that bed but instead she had to sit there.

_"I wonder how my clients would like to know that the only person who can fix their issues is locked in a room for a couple days,"_ she thought.

Just after eight the next morning she woke up, the longest sleeping night she had in a long time. The nurse came in and told her it was time for breakfast.

Olivia couldn't wait for the next day to be over so she could go home.

Fitz sat at his desk deciding to do some type of work since he wasn't going to sleep that night. He'd already laid in bed for several hours and counted the specks on the ceiling. It was pointless to continue to lay there. Nearly six in the morning on a Friday and he's already had his coffee, read his report, and ate breakfast.

"She's going to be okay," Mellie told him breaking his thoughts. "She is Olivia Pope. There's not a thing that can bring her down."

"But I can. I'm the one thing that brings her down. After the assassination attempt it took her down. She stayed in bed for several days. When you tried to use the presidency at keep me, she quit on me. When I slept with Amanda she quit on me. This time she quit again," Fitz said staring at the wall.

"Are you blaming yourself? Or are you blaming her? I know you guys have your differences and you two fight a lot but as much as I hate to admit it, you are good together. You'll get through this with her."

Fitz turned his head to look at his wife. "Olivia and I have gotten through worse. This is just a little bump in the road. You're right; we will get through this. We've got two months left and we'll be together. That's what we need. Liv and I… we just need to be together and we'll be fine. She'll be fine."

"It's not me you have to convince, Fitz. I think you should go talk with Liv when she gets out tomorrow. Tell her the wait isn't that much longer." Just as she went to leave the room, Fitz called her name.

"Thank you for being understanding."

Just after lunch Olivia was escorted down to the psychiatrist's office. She looked around the room seeing the couch and silently groaned. She was the one to have her clients on a couch, not the other way.

"Ms. Pope, have a seat," he told her. After a moment she sat down. "I'm Dr. Hatch, how are you feeling today?"

"I'm fine," she told him shortly.

"You want to leave here don't you?"

Liv smirked, "how could you tell?"

"The way you're positioned. You're legs are crossed, arms crossed, you keep tapping your foot. You don't want to be here."

"Not in a million years."

Dr. Hatch jotted in his notes quickly then looked back up to her. "You know that you wouldn't be able to leave if you don't speak to me about anything. So you can either talk with me for a while or you can sit on this floor for a while longer than 48 hours. It's your choice Ms. Pope."

"What do you want to chat about?"

"I think the obvious would be to start with why you're here. Why are you here?"

Olivia had to roll her eyes, he knew why she was there, and he just wanted her to say it. "They think I cut myself on purpose. Which I didn't. I did not purposely cut myself."

"So what happened?"

"I cut my arm a bit too deep. The doorbell rang and startled me. I didn't purposely get that deep."

"Why were you cutting yourself to begin with?"

"I was on my way to… a party where my ex was going to be. I didn't want to deal with seeing him. I thought if I just cut the skin one more time I could deal him. I've only cut the surface to feel something. Only so I could feel something other than sadness."

Again he wrote notes. "This isn't the first time that you've cut yourself then. How many times have you cut yourself?"

"Six over the past four months. Maybe more, I can't remember exactly."

"What made you start?"

"I had a bad breakup. I'd been with a guy for around four years and I asked him to pick me."

"But he didn't purpose?"

"He's pretty much purposed several times. He's bought me a ring and built us a house."

"I'm not seeing the problem."

"He chose his wife. He picked his wife over me after everything that she had done to us. I was finally ready to really be with him and he said not now. He wanted me to wait for six months. I told him I couldn't and we broke up."

"You started to cut yourself over a man who wouldn't pick you? I get that. I don't see why you would do that though. From what I understand, the famous Olivia Pope is hard core and doesn't give a damn. I've heard many things about you. Frankly, you're scary as hell to some. But just like everyone else you have a soft side too."

Olivia started to get a bit irritated. "I do not have a soft side."

"It's okay to have a weakness, everyone has one."

"Well I don't. I am never weak."

"What makes you tic? What's the one thing that pushes you to the edge?"

"My ex."

"What about him? What is it about him that you don't like?"

Liv thought about it for several minutes. Was there really anything that she didn't like about Fitz? "He doesn't think about what he's doing before he does it. He leaves me with the consequences. I have to clean up his messes and I'm tired of it. I would have gladly cleaned up the mess if he had chosen me but he didn't. I got tired of being the mistress. Even though he tells me all the time that I am never his mistress but I always am."

"What else about him irritates you?"

"He calls me the love of his life. He would do anything for me, I know he would. He's tried to show me a million times but I wouldn't let him. This isn't what I want though. I don't want every day to be consumed with thoughts of him. But he's everywhere. My ex, he tells me that he'll make everything better and give it all up so we can be together. But the only way for us to be together is for him to give up his wife and he won't. He's asked me to wait for him many times. I gave up marrying my fiancé for him. I've given up everything in me for him and I can't do it anymore."

Dr. Hatch put his notes down and mentally noted her position had relaxed. "It doesn't seem like intentionally tried to kill yourself."

"That's what I've been trying to tell everyone! I have too many people who count on me to try to kill myself."

"Do you honestly believe that you would cut yourself again if you got stressed out or if you had to deal with your ex again?"

"Not after this. I only cut the surface of my skin. After the doorbell startled me and I cut further than intended, I don't think I could ever cut myself again." Liv watched the doctor nod for several seconds. "What?"

"I don't see a point in keeping you here."

"Why's that?"

"You're adamant that this will not help you. You're defensive. It seems that you want nothing to do with your ex anymore because you think you're always going to be second best. That might be true; you might just be second best to him. Do you think you're second best compared to his wife?"

Could she be second best to Mellie? Did she really think that? "It's possible. More than possible. I may always be second choice."

"I'm going to write you a pass. You'll be better in society right now instead than you would be in here. I'll get the nurse to get you some clothes and you can call someone to come get you."

"No. I mean thank you for the early release but I'll call a cab to take me home."

Dr. Hatch put his notes in his desk and went to get her a pair of scrubs to go home. He walked her out to the front and called for the cab.

"Here's my card. I'd like you to come back when you're less hostile about therapy. Good luck Ms. Pope."

After the cab dropped her off at home she argued what to do first. She should go to work and see how things were going before any of them started to worry about where she was. But when Liv opened the door she saw that she needed to clean up the floors before doing anything else. From the front door to the bathroom was a trail of blood that made it look like a murder scene happened there.

Immediately, Olivia went into the kitchen and started to gather things to get clean up the mess. On hands and knees, Liv started to scrub the carpet getting the blood out.

"I was going to have that cleaned up before you came home tomorrow."

"So you would have found my spare key to come in and clean my blood off the carpet? Really?"

"I do have a key to your apartment. Remember? You gave it to me for just in case a couple years ago."

"Oh, yeah I remember. Did he send you here Cyrus? His spies told him I was out and he sent you to what? Take me to him? Why are you here?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing. Get up, I'm taking you back."

Olivia continued to scrub the floor. "The doctor gave me a pass. He said I was pointless to waste space in there."

"And just like that he gave you a pass to leave a 48 hour hold."

"Yes Cyrus, it happens. I'm not crazy or a danger to anyone. So he let me leave. Now why are you really here?"

"Exactly like I said. I came to get the blood off the floor before you came home."

Liv looked over at Cyrus standing against the wall. "You're in a suit and you were going to get on your hands and knees to clean blood? You could have called a cleaning company to come do this."

"Probably for the same reason that you didn't call someone. So no one will know about any of this. The media doesn't need to know about any of this. It was hard enough to keep it out of the media that Fitz was at the hospital."

"Why was he at the hospital? How did he even know that I was there?"

"He got worried when you and I didn't show at the gala. I had a hard time hiding that you were in a hospital when I was worried sick about you myself."

"I didn't mean worry you, Cy. I promise, it was an accident. When I heard the doorbell it startled me. I never meant to do that."

Cyrus nodded and sat down on the couch. "Well that explains the cut from that night. Now are we going to talk about the others or are we going to ignore them and you can discuss them with Fitz?"


	14. Leave It Alone

"Cyrus, I do not want to talk about it. And I definitely will not be talking about it with Fitz. We aren't together anymore. I appreciate him coming to check on me but that's about as far as it goes," Liv explained as she continued to rub the stain out of the carpet.

"This is Fitz we're talking about. You know as well as I do that you and he will never be over. I know it, you know it, and he knows it. Hell, even Mellie knows it."

"And he chose Mellie. That's why we're over. I asked him four months ago to pick me. To leave Mellie and be with me for real so I wouldn't be the mistress anymore and he picked Mellie. Fitz said it wasn't a good time. Well, when is a good time? We're never going to be on the same page. He wanted to leave Mellie on the campaign; I told him no, he needed to be President. He wanted to leave Mellie after the whole Amanda thing; I told him no, he would look like a whore. He wanted to leave Mellie after the baby was born; I told him no, the press would crucify him. He picked him and Mellie went on national television and told the world that he was having an affair. And he went back to her! I asked him to be with me and he told me NO! He flat out said NO! So I will not wait for him, or answer the phone when he calls, or give him and inch so he can take a mile. It will not happen!"

Cyrus watched her scrub the floor harder as she got angrier. "But this time is different…"

"Don't you dare start that shit with me too! Fitz tells me that every time. It's different; it's going to be different. I wrote that damn speech myself; I know how it ends. It will never be different. He will always be married to her that will never change."

"But Liv, he's asked her for a divorce and…"

"He's asked her for a divorce a hundred times. She blackmails him into whatever the hell she wants. She wants to be First Lady, fine, let that bitch have it. She had the nerve to come into that hospital room and pretend to be sweet and want to be my friend. Don't piss on me and tell me it's raining, I don't buy it."

"Liv, he's changing things. He's getting it done. You two will be together. Fitz wants to make sure that you are okay and that you aren't trying to hurt yourself. Mellie was worried too."

"Cyrus Rutherford Beene, if you are going to defend those two get the hell out. Actually, get the hell out anyway. I can feel the judgment radiating off you."

Cyrus stood up and made his way to her. He kneeled down to see her face and make her look at him. "I'm not judging you. I know it's been rough for you since his shooting. You took on a lot of responsibility and didn't get the chance to grieve like you should have. But Fitz is here and he's alive. He wants to be with you. His sole purpose in life is to make you happy. But he can't do that if you are cutting and trying to kill yourself. You had a life before Fitz, and you will have one after Fitz if that's what you want. You have to outlive me and take care of Ella. And attempting to kill yourself is not the example I want you to set for her."

Olivia got up off the floor speechless for a moment getting her words together. "How dare you! How dare you use my goddaughter against me! I have set a great example for her. And I'll continue to do so. And outlive you? I'm not the one working day and night to make sure that the President has everything he needs and keeping the First Lady on a short leash. You're the one who never goes home to your daughter and your husband. A gold fish is going to outlive you Cyrus. Why don't you take tomorrow off and try to remember your husband's name? And don't you ever EVER bring up my cutting again. Are we clear?" She watched Cyrus nod and stand up to his normal height. "Good, now get the hell out."

Once Cyrus stepped out of the apartment, Liv slammed the door shut and continued to work on getting the blood out of the carpet.

Fitz prepared himself for the day the next morning, both physically and emotionally. He knew Liv would be released from the hospital at noon so he was going to pick her up and take her home. Hopefully, when she was safe at home with him there, she would tell him why she tried to kill herself. While he waited for time to pass since it was only nine in the morning, he decided to catch up on the agenda. He had been so invested in how Olivia was that he hadn't read any reports for two days.

"Would you like me to go with you?"

Fitz turned around in his chair and faced Mellie standing behind his desk. "I think this might be something Liv would just tell me about."

"I was just thinking that she might need all the support she can get, and I can be support to her if that's what she needs. We could call her team and have a… what do they call that? A convention?"

"Intervention and the last thing she needs is everyone knowing that she cut herself. Luckily Cyrus was there in time to catch her so she didn't bleed out."

"She was very lucky that he was there. But what if she tries it again? What if next time, God forbid, she isn't so lucky?"

Fitz put his papers down and stared up at her. "You think she'll do it again?"

"I don't know. It's possible. We don't even know why she did it the first time. How do we know that was the first time? I want to know what made her cut herself so bad that she wanted to die. Was she stressed? Did she mean to do it?"

"Who 'accidentally' cuts a vein several times down their arm? Liv's probably been too stressed and didn't get her sleep. She probably hadn't slept in days and forgot to eat anything driving herself crazy."

Mellie wanted to say something but she bit her tongue. _This is probably your doing. She probably did it because you told her no. _"Well figure it out. And tell me if there's anything that I can do to help her. We don't have to tell anyone else but she'll need support. Everyone does."

"I will do that on one condition."

"Are you in a position to negotiate with me?"

"If you want Olivia back as your friend, you'll have to negotiate."

"Fine, what is it?"

"While I'm helping Olivia with whatever it is she needs from me, you cannot pull any of your shit anywhere. I have a hard time trying to help her and keep you on your leash at the same time. And that may even make things worse for her if you do."

"I promise to be well behaved and help any way I can."

"Good, now I better get going so I can take her home before she calls one of her team to do it."

Fitz called out to Tom and had him bring the limo around so they could leave. On the way to the hospital the memory of seeing her in the hospital popped into his head again. Her arm wrapped up and an IV in her to make sure that she had enough blood running in her, it scared him. He could have lost her for good. Thankfully, Cyrus was there to get her. He owed him one. A big one. On the way to the hospital he had the driver stop and get her favorite flowers, as many as the store had. They continued to the hospital with four dozen peonies with them.

"I'm here to pick up Olivia Pope, is she ready to leave yet?" Fitz asked the nurse behind the desk outside the doors of the psych ward.

She immediately stood seeing that the President was standing in front of her. "Good morning, Mr. President. Olivia Pope?"

"Yes, she is scheduled to be released at noon. I'm here to take her home."

"Let me look," she told him. She sat down and typed furiously at the keyboard putting in her name. "Olivia Pope. Actually, sir, Miss Pope was released yesterday. Dr. Hatch wrote her pass himself."

"He wrote her a pass? What the hell does that mean?"

"I'm not sure, sir. I can get him if you like."

"No that's fine. Have a nice day."

Fitz turned around heading back to the car with his agents. He instructed the driver to take him to Olivia's apartment. When they got to her floor of the building Fitz could smell some kind of chemical. It wasn't strong but enough to notice. He knocked on the door and waited for her to answer.

Liv was still on hands and knees scrubbing the floor when she heard the knock. "What!"

Fitz didn't say anything and knocked again.

"What do you want?" she screamed ignoring the door.

Again, Fitz knocked and kept his mouth closed.

"For fuck sake!" She got up and went to the door.

"Hi."

"Bye."

She closed the door and went back to the floor. Within seconds Fitz opened the door and walked in.

"Tom, can you and Daniel bring those in and set them on the table?" Fitz ushered them in and let them return to their post. "Livie, I think we need to… what is that awful smell?"

"Ammonia."

Fitz looked down and saw her trying to get the blood stain out of the carpet.

"You should have someone do that. Like a professional." He went over and picked up the bucket she had and took it to the kitchen dumping it down the sink.

"I wasn't done with that!"

"You've already tried to kill yourself once this week. I won't let you try it again."

"What do you want from me? Why are you here?"

"Why didn't you tell me the doctor let you out early? I just went to the hospital to get you and the nurse said you left yesterday. I couldn't sleep at all last night knowing you were in the hospital and I couldn't see you. Don't you have any courtesy left?"

"Nope, I threw it out the window a while ago. So why are you here? I'm a little busy if you can't tell."

Fitz looked over at the blood trail and followed it to the bathroom and came back. The majority was well set in at the front door. "This is where Cyrus found you? At the door?"

Olivia started to fidget with her fingers and looked away. "You didn't answer me. Why are you here?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot to tell you. I just got out of the hospital and don't really give a damn why you're here," she told him full of sarcasm.

"Obviously you do or you wouldn't have asked three times. How are you? Are you feeling okay?"

"Are we walking on egg shells for a reason or just for the hell of it?"

Fitz stood by the window and ran his hands through his hair before he said anything. "Olivia, I don't know what I'm allowed to say. I don't know what's going to set you off and make you hurt yourself again. Am I allowed to ask you how you are? Dare I ask we just the fence and I ask the straight question."

"I'm not fragile and definitely not soft so ask whatever you want. Just ask your damn question Fitzgerald. It's the same damn question everyone else has been asking. Why should you be any different? Ask me."

He turned around and looked her in the eyes knowing she was pushing him to ask so she could blow up. "Why did you try to kill yourself?"

"Because I did NOT try to kill myself! If I wanted to kill myself I would have done it with a damn revolver in my mouth."

"Well now I know to get rid of all the guns around you," he tried to joke but she was not laughing.

"You don't believe me. You think I tried to kill myself just like everyone else does."

"It's kind of hard not to when your vein was sliced several times. So I'm wondering why you would do that." Fitz sat on the couch next to her and grabbed her wrist bringing it to his lips and kissing her marks. Just as he kissed the cut at the top of her forearm, he saw the other cuts. For several minutes he stared at her arm. "This wasn't the first time you've cut yourself is it?" He kept a tight hold on her wrist looking at the previous cuts. "Was that the first time?"

"Fitz, just leave it," she told him trying to pull her arm out of his grip.

"Liv, have you cut yourself before? What are these marks from?"

"I said leave it alone."

"Damn it Olivia. Answer me!"


	15. Unannounced Party

"Answer me, Olivia! Was this the first time you've cut yourself or wasn't it? Which is it?" Fitz was beyond pissed now. If Olivia had been cutting herself before what was making her do it?

"What does it matter to you? You chose her, remember?" Liv could feel her defenses starting to soften but she had to stay strong.

He stood stunned at how she could ask that for a minute. "I told you it wasn't a good time. That didn't mean that we couldn't be together. It doesn't mean that I don't care about you. I asked you to wait just six months. It's almost over. We're nearly there. How can you try to kill yourself and then ask me how I can care?"

"I did NOT try to kill myself! Would you all get that through your head? I didn't try to kill myself ever."

"Well the cuts on your arm say differently so how about you explain that to me? Because I'm not getting how that works."

Olivia turned away from Fitz giving herself some space while they talked. "Because it felt great. Because for four months I felt nothing but empty and needed some kind of satisfaction. And after drinking twenty glasses of wine that didn't help I tried the spa and when that didn't help and I was in the shower, cutting just seemed like the best choice. So I cut my skin because it felt good. It felt so damn amazing just to let that tension out. I wouldn't purposely kill myself or even try to. Cyrus scared the shit out of me when the doorbell rang and I cut myself deeper than intended. Don't you get that?"

"When did you start cutting?" He watched her sit there ignoring the question. "Olivia, when?"

"Two weeks after," she told him very quietly.

"What?"

"Two weeks after." Liv turned her head, looking away from him.

"Two weeks after, after what? After we… after what happened?"

"After we broke up. I cut myself after we broke up. Yes, Fitz, we broke up."

"No, we didn't break up. We just got in a fight. We never break up because we are never over. Did you… did you…" Fitz ran his hand through his hair afraid to ask. "Did you cut yourself because of me? Did I push you to do this?"

Liv crossed her arms and stared up at him. "I cut myself because I wanted to. I asked you to choose me and you didn't. That was your choice. I felt relieve when I opened my skin. But I'm not going to do it again. So you're good to go."

Fitz sat down in the chair across from her. "I'm staying for a while. We need to talk and not just about you cutting yourself."

"What else is there to talk about? If there's something else you want to say can you just say it so I can go to bed. I've been up all night long trying to clean blood and it still isn't clean."

"We could talk about six months is almost over. Or that I'm not going to run for President next term. We could also talk about the fact that Mellie is marrying Andrew in three months. We could also talk about that I've spent every weekend in Vermont hoping that you'd try to get away from all of this and come home to us. Pick a subject and let's talk."

Olivia crossed her legs restraining herself from starting to pace. His issues weren't her problems anymore. But she had to question him. "What do you mean you aren't running for another term?"

"Did you get anything else I said or did you stop listening?"

"What the hell do you mean you aren't going for another term? How can you not run for another term? You have the votes. All the votes are in your favor. You have to run!"

"So I'm guessing you missed the rest of that. Now, are you going to rant about how I have to run for the next half hour?"

"No, it would only take that much longer for you to leave. How is it possible that Mellie is marrying Andrew? And why would you spend the weekends in Vermont? There'd be no point for me to go there. It's your house and we aren't together."

"First of all, it's OUR house. It's where you and I are going to spend forever together. It's where I feel the closest to you when you aren't actually near me and I can't come over."

"Fine, it's our house. Whatever. Wait, you've already started to campaign. You've been campaigning for four months for the next term. So obviously you are running."

"Things have changed, Liv. There's a new issue that I have to deal with so I've got to handle things as they come up."

"I'm guessing that problem would be me."

"Actually, yes."

Just before Liv could say anything else, the doorbell rang. "Great, Cyrus is adding to the party? What'd you do, convince him to come over and talk some sense into me?"

"Not me. You aren't expecting any company from your team or someone?"

"No." Liv peaked through the peep hole and closed it. "Looks like I'm having an unannounced with the worst guests." Slowly she unlocked the door and opened it. "Cyrus, come on in. And Mellie."


	16. Goodbye Visitors

Fitz stayed sitting down while Olivia let Cyrus and Mellie in. Both Liv and Fitz were clearly annoyed that they were there.

"Care to explain why you're both here?" Fitz asked them both.

"I mentioned to Mellie that I was coming to check on Liv and she was adamant that she come with. Just to ensure the Olivia was perfectly fine and no one was lying to her. Whether I came with her or not, she still would have come. Liv you are never going to get that blood out. Let's just rip it out and have new carpet put in," Cyrus explained while he went over to sit on the couch.

Mellie walked in and sat in the chair setting her coat behind her. "I only wanted to make sure that no one was lying to me and saying you were okay when you really weren't Liv. I think you'd do the same if the situation was reversed, wouldn't you?" Mellie continued before Olivia could answer. "Well, since we're all here, can you explain to all of us at once why you would do something as stupid as cutting yourself to nearly death? How could you do something like that to us Liv? We all love and care about you and want you to be okay. You can't leave us."

Olivia knew something had to be going on with Mellie. She was just waiting for the other shoe to drop and the comments to start flowing. "Mellie, I am not seeing why you are being so caring about anything involving me. We aren't friends anymore. Fitz and I aren't together. We don't even work together. You've won what you wanted. You got to be First Lady and rule the world. Am I that threatening to you being around Fitz? Why the hell do you care if I live or die?"

"Because Fitz loves you. He loves you way more than he's ever loved me. I want him to be happy just as much as he wants me to be happy. Or to be out of the way, whichever one is stronger for him. You are the one that makes him happy and I get that now. So I'm stepping back and letting you take him. There's nothing more I can do. Fitz and I are civil. We'll always be civil; we have children together."

Cyrus leaned over to Fitz quietly while they spoke. "Do you ever feel like you're the prize at the county fair when they fight over you?" Fitz only smirked and nodded as he continued to watch Liv and Mellie chat.

"Fitz said you're marrying Andrew in a few months. How can you do that when you refuse to sign any divorce papers even if you get everything?" Olivia questioned.

Mellie turned around facing Fitz. "You didn't tell her the news yet?"

"I was getting to it before both of you showed up. I wanted the explanation of the cutting before anything else was said. Now that I have that…" Fitz answered.

Cyrus sat rubbing his head knowing this was where Liv would want her input. She would fix it any way possible to make sure that Fitz came out clean at the end. "Do we have to tell her now? Can't it wait another day or so? I'll settle for even an hour."

"No, Cyrus," Mellie patted his knee, "Olivia needs to know about this soon before everyone else does." She turned back to face Olivia and smiled. "I'm pregnant."

Olivia was beyond pissed. She turned her attention to face Fitz and he could tell he was in for it. Both Cyrus and Fitz started to yell at Mellie but Olivia wasn't quite listening. "That should have been the first damn thing you said to me when you walked in here. You got her pregnant again! My God how can you play nice with me when you knocked up your wife a fourth time! And YOU!" she turned facing Mellie. "How DARE you come in here and speak as if we're friends and flaunt this in front of me! That's disgusting and twisted. I knew that you were being nice for a reason. Something else to hold over me? You have no right," Liv started coming towards Mellie and Fitz ran to Olivia holding her back.

"Mellie you have to tell her the other part first! Damn it Mellie!" Fitz screamed.

Mellie moved towards Cyrus on the couch actually afraid that Liv might hurt her. "Sorry, that part slipped! I meant to tell her that we're divorced first! I swear!"

Olivia eased her position and relaxed a little. When Fitz felt her relax a little and loosened his grip on her. "You're divorced?" Liv questioned not believing them. "When? How does no one know about this?"

Fitz turned Olivia to face him and moved her to sit in the chair. "Last month, we got our attorneys and worked it out. We've been divorced for three weeks. If you would have answered the phone when I called or read any of the emails or texts I sent you or even open the door when I came over you would have known already. Haven't you noticed that in all of the campaigns that I've done so far, Mellie isn't in any of them? She's been at the White House with Andrew."

"So she's pregnant with your kid and still spending all her time with him? That's crazy. All of you are crazy! Cyrus, why didn't you tell me about this before?"

"It wasn't my place to tell you."

"But it was your place to tell them that I was in the hospital? What a hypocrite!"

"Cyrus needed to tell me," Fitz jumped in.

"There's something else we have to tell you," Mellie said.

"There always is. Nothing can ever be simple."

Mellie half smiled and sat forward. "I'm two months pregnant and it's Andrew's baby."

Olivia looked over at Fitz reading his face. "You're okay with this?"

"It's the reason she signed the papers for the divorce."

"Mellie, I think it's time for us to go," Cyrus said standing up. "Let's give them some time and I'll take you home."

"Okay, thank you. Liv I'd like to be friends again. I think after a while, we could be back to the way things were before. Fitz, I'll see you later."

Cyrus kissed Liv's cheek and walked out with Mellie closing the door behind them. When she heard the door close, Liv got up and headed towards the kitchen. She looked through the fridge and the pantry but didn't have a lot of food.

"Popcorn and wine again?" Fitz asked coming in the kitchen.

"That's what I've got. And I'm hungry."

"I'll order in." Fitz picked up her home phone and called for Chinese for them. After he hung up he stood leaning against the counter watching her. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"A lot was just thrown at you. Mellie should have said that we're divorced before she said she was pregnant. That could have saved everybody some time. So, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I am… fine."

"You say that all the time. I think you're actually starting to believe it too much. You aren't fine."

"What do you want from me, Fitz? Do you want me to tell you that I'm not fine? That I wish I would have stayed longer four months ago and tell you that I'd wait six months. Do you want me to tell you that I'd wait forever so we could be together? Would you like me to stand here and cry over all the time that I've missed with you these past few months and that I want to take them back and never start cutting myself even though it felt fucking amazing to let the tension out? Do you want to come over here and hold me while I cry and tell me that everything's going to be fine and we'll work out and have Vermont? Because right now, that's what I need!"

As Olivia finished yelling at him, she started crying. She wasn't able to hold it back any longer. Liv had wanted to cry since she woke up in the hospital and Fitz was there. Through her crying, she was starting to have a panic attack. She clutched the counter and Fitz came behind her pulling her to his body and they both sank to the floor. He started kissing her cheek and moving her hair aside.

"Everything's going to be fine. I'll take care of it," he repeatedly whispered in her ear. After several minutes she was calm and getting her breathing even with Fitz. "Now, are you really okay?"

"Yes. Are you really divorced from her?"

"Yes, we're divorced and you are going to be my First Lady soon."


End file.
